To Think or Not to Think

   Thoughts is something that you can call your own till the day you die. I don’t think that anyone can control your thoughts because you have freedom to dream however you want. It’s something that I think I love and if you sit down and really think, your words can have action and effect on other people’s lives.

    My thoughts in the beginning of January was altered. It was not altered by anyone else but my own. I felt trapped. Chained to the conventions of my mind. I had experienced something that no one can just describe to someone for them to completely understand. It was as if my body and my head was detached from my thoughts and I could not speak without also thinking very intensely. Every task, every move became over calculated and tremendously tiresome. I could not focus, I felt dizzy and I had an over all feeling of just not my self. It’s like I had no emotion and was just a robot not being able to make conscience decisions. Everyday became a struggle of will I be able to just go on because I did not know what was happening. I just did not feel right. (Side note, never call telehealth. They are useless and they will just say go to a hospital via ambulance. Waste of time) This whole January sucked. I lost my appetite and I could not even form a sense of memory. There was no motivation and I was just purely sad all the time.

   I could attribute this to being on the pill. I started taking it and then felt horrible but I had been on it for 6 months so I did not think it had much affect but still I went off it to make sure it was not the main cause. I can attribute it to the fact that everything in my life felt like it was changing. I recently found someone and I’ve been going out with this person for a few months. Also I had not been going to school much making changes to my life drastically. I could attribute this feeling to the fact that this is just my hormones acting up. Or i can attribute this to the fact that i had a terrible weed trip and it felt like I’d never be the same. I have no clue but the important thing is that I had to talk about it.

    If at anytime I felt very down or like I just needed to make sure I could still talk, I talked about it. If at anytime I needed to just complain about longing for the time I used to be sane, I’d talk about it. I think it is so important to be able to talk to some one because not everyone can make it through on their own. If you see someone down or just not looking like their usual self, talk to them. You never know what they are going through. You never know what issues they them self are dealing with. It makes me so sad that this happened to me. I thought everything I knew was upside down. But it really helped to talk about it.

   I still kinda feel a bit weird. I don’t know if I’ll ever forget this happened to me. I don’t know if I’ll ever be back to my normal but I’m glad that in some way I remember what I used to feel like. These are just my thoughts and trust me, I think a lot.
If you have ever had one of these moments, be sure to message me with any ideas, questions or whatever you feel like saying! I am somewhat of a internet junkie and so I will try and reply quickly but other than that, I will write soon so, Till Next Time!!

Keeping Things Peppermint

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